


To Dream Of Living

by ButterpuffFairy



Category: Bleach, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Reincarnation, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-31
Updated: 2014-01-31
Packaged: 2018-01-10 16:43:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterpuffFairy/pseuds/ButterpuffFairy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ulquiorra and Orihime begin having dreams that depict a sad tale of two young people falling in love, getting killed and then going on without each other. <br/>Orihime finds these dreams sad, not nothing unusual. While Ulquiorra starts wondering if these are dreams of the life he once had when he was living...</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Dream Of Living

**Author's Note:**

> This is a drabble that came to mind after posted a funny status to my facebook claiming that Ulquiorra was Levi in a past life. My friends encouraged me to write this sad little thing and here you go!

She had that dream again .   
Running, no; flying through the forest. The intense feeling of something or someone chasing her, the fear for her team mates, the fear for someone she cared for…  
She heard sickening sounds and turned to flee as she saw one of her close friends be spat onto the ground not far from where she had been hovering.   
Fear overwhelmed her as she realized that this was her last mission. This was her last time fighting. This was her last time in the sunlight, her last time in the cool breeze, the last time she would ever breathe in the scent of the tall trees that towered above her.  
And all she cared about was that he was safe. He was out of her range. In that sense, she had done her job and kept him safe. In that sense, she had served him well.   
‘I’m sorry, Heichou. Please get out safely…’ was the only thing that ran through her mind as she felt a pressure push her against the rough side of the nearest tree, she felt her neck snap, the loud noise jerking her awake; her heart racing and her anxiety flared.

Orihime had trouble placing where she was for a moment as she looked around the dark room.   
“Where…?” That is, until she saw the single tall window and the moon shining brightly through.   
‘Los Noches’ She thought as she stood and ran her fingers through her long hair. What was that dream and why did she continue to see the same thing every night when she closed her eyes. That intense fear…that intense devotion…

Looking up at the moon that she had grown so fond of in her time her, she tried desperately to remember the name that was on the tip of her tongue. It seemed long forgotten and yet so close to her heart. All she could remember was that one word…  
“Heichou…”  
___________________________________________

He had that dream again.

Flying through the forest at high speeds, his blades at his side and a mission set in his mind. Though he felt his heart was in a different place entirely.  
A roar sounded through the air that sent a shiver up his spine…he knew. If he was resorting to /that/ then that meant they were...  
No.   
He swung around quickly and headed back for his team, finding one of them hanging from a tree as a greeting. He slowed slightly and began searching…   
Another dead, but not the one he was looking for. He mourned them all and felt their loss in his very soul, but there was one he was looking for…one that /had/ to make it out alive.  
3 out of 4 dead. The one that would have protected her at all costs. If he died, then that means…

He felt as if something has taken the oxygen out of the entire forest. Her face calm and beautiful even in death as she looked up at him with lifeless eyes, her ginger hair blowing softly in the wind trying to add life and motion to something that would no longer move. Something that would no longer breathe. Something that would no longer call to him.  
He settled beside her and moved her gently, her neck lulling unnaturally as he did so. Placing her on the ground, he wanted her to be as peaceful as she could be…as comfortable as the others. He moved the hair from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, his hand finding hers.  
She was growing cold already.   
“Your spirit will stay with me and give me strength, I swear to you… I /will/ defeat her. I promise -----“

Ulquiorra woke and sat up, touching his cheek and looking at the tears that were on his fingers curiously.   
He rarely had dreams, and he never showed such a human emotion as sadness…though he was told he always looked sad by everyone who insisted on talking to him. Though this dream had been pestering him for the past few nights, he would much rather be left alone. He made his bed perfectly, obsessively; always keeping things tidy and in order.   
What was that name he had said in his dream?  
It was a young womans name, he was sure of it...

_______________________

“Do you ever eat?”

“Pardon?”

“You…um… You look so skinny. I was just wondering if you eat…or if you even need to.” Orihime asked as she ate the meal that was set in front of her. The food was always very good and she half wondered who cooked in a palace such as this… she half wondered if Ulquiorra made it himself…  
Ulquiorra watched her to make sure she ate as they had had problems in the past with her not eating if she was depressed or simply feeling stubborn.   
“We eat, but we do not need to.” He replied, looking out the window, admiring the sky. He always felt at home when he was nearest to the sky, though he wasn’t always sure why. Perhaps it was due to the wings he could still feel even when he wasn’t in his release form. 

“Will you eat with me?”

He froze and looked at her, his eyes slightly widened. He wasn’t sure how to respond, not many people ever wanted to include him in things…then again he never really wanted to be included. But somehow, this was different.  
“Why?”  
“I… I just figured you must be hungry since you always feed me first an-“  
“No, why would you ask me?”

She blinked and smiled softly at him, making him a plate of food by splitting the plate she had between the two of them and pushing it to the other side of the small table. “You spend so much time in here and yet you never eat with me. You must get hungry. Plus, I’d enjoy the company.” She looked away shyly and placed a napkin and silverware by his plate and waited a moment to see if he would join her.

He did.

____________________________________________

“Heichou.”

Levi looked over at her, startled out of his train of thought. “hmm?

“Do you ever eat? I mean just look at you! Its not wonder your coat hangs off of you.” Petra said, gesturing to how small he was.   
It was late and there was no one else awake as they sat in the dining area alone. They usually sat here for a few hours a night and talked about everybody and everything, whether it be business or casual. Both with a cup of tea and both dressed comfortably, they sat and actually had a life for those few hours. Any time they could steal was precious.

“Of course I eat. I eat with everyone else.” He replied, before taking another sip of his tea. “You’re the one who barely eats, Petra.”

“I have to make sure everyone else has enough food. Besides, you males eat more anyway! Heaven knows if you get too close to Erd while he’s eating you’re likely to be eaten.” She replied with a giggle and a smile.  
Her eyes always lit up when she smiled, it was one of the things he noticed about her when he first met her. She was always so positive and happy, no matter what the situation. And yet so strong and so level headed, it was rare to find someone like that these days.   
Not that he was looking…  
He wasn’t. Until she caught his attention.

She spoke of her father often but never mentioned her mother to anyone but him. Her mother had died in the Recon Corps when Wall Maria fell. That was one of the main reasons she wanted to join in the first place.   
He still couldn’t help but feel that someone like her was a bit out of place here. Not that she wasn’t a fantastic fighter or she didn’t work well with others, he just felt someone like her needed to be out in the world raising a family instead of risking her life on his orders or anyones orders for that mater.

“You always look so sad, Heichou.” She said suddenly, her smile fading and her hand reaching out and finding his.   
He held back a light blush and smiled slightly. He still wasn’t used to her soft touch and her caring words. “Maybe its because you insist on calling my by everything other than my name.”

“Sir… I…”  
“See, there you go again. “  
“Well I… Heichou, I just.”  
“Stop.”  
“But, Sir-“

He took the top of her head gently and turned it toward him, their faces inches apart now.   
“Levi.”

She blushed heavily and smiled sweetly, her hand reaching up to rest on the side of his face. Her thumb gently rubbed his bottom lip as she leaned in, closing the space between them as her eyes glanced down at his lips.   
“Levi~”  
____________________________________________________

“HEEEYYYYYYY are you even listening to me anymore??” 

“I was never listening to begin with. Why do you torment me?”  
“Starrks asleep and you always walk these halls looking lonely so I thought I would take it upon myself to keep you company!”

Lilinette always tried to make friends no matter who it was; Grimmjow, Vega, Gin, Yammy, and even Ulquiorra.  
He wasn’t sure whether he should be flattered or annoyed that half of the Primera Espada desperately wanted him as a ‘friend’. 

“I see.” He replied as he continued on his walk. He had no orders, nowhere to be and no plans. The Woman was asleep and he had no other inquiries. It annoyed him.

Lilinette continued to ramble on and on, probably about how Starrk always slept and paid her no mind when she wanted to play or talk. Or he figured it was something like that at least, he didn’t really listen.   
He couldn’t keep his mind from wandering to that dream, to that familiar feeling of loss and to that familiar bloodstained face looking up at him.   
He shouldn’t be dreaming at all, he shouldn’t even be feeling for that matter. Its true that even he had some emotion but he would rather push it down and keep it hidden for reasons that were all his own. 

“Have you ever had a dream?”

The young looking female was shocked that he spoke to her and confused by his strange question. “A dream? Like sleeping?”

“I assume you sleep and don’t constantly keep yourself awake just to annoy others, yes?”

“Well yeah, I sleep.” She was ignoring that ‘annoy others’ comment. “I guess I’ve dreamed. I mean, I remember dreaming, I just can’t always remember what they are about.” She said with a shrug, continuing to walk in place next to him as she spoke. “We may be Hollows, but we still have a conscience, therefore we still dream. We still sleep. And if we sleep that means the REM cycle has to take place in order for us to rest.”

He listened and stared directly in front of him, constantly looking bored or lost in thought. But this time, Lilinette though he looked sadder than usual, though maybe that was just her.

“Do you ever dream about what it was like to be alive?” He asked finally. He was afraid to ask this question, not because he was afraid of what she thought, but because he was afraid of the answer. He didn’t like the thought of being human again and he didn’t want to remember. He loathed the thought of these confusing emotions that he seemed to be remembering one by one. And he seemed to be remembering more and more around That Woman.

Lilinette sighed and looked down, twiddling her fingers now. “I do… I don’t think Starrk does though. At least, I’m hoping he doesn’t.” she began, he mind drifting to the dreams she had of their past. The past of two souls who became one because of the profound bond they had formed. The Two Souls that had fused and followed each other to death and beyond. Starrk being the stronger and Lilinette the weaker.

“What do you remember, if I may ask.”

“I remember the Sea. A vast roaring span of water as far as the eye can see. A finicky wild thing that no one can tame or predict, no matter how long you’ve been around her or how well you think you know her.   
‘ I remember a heartfelt goodbye as he went with the crew, out into that vast open space of nothing by crushing water. And then I remember waiting in the watchtower of our house, one candle lit to keep my company and show I was waiting for him. I waited and waited and waited… Until word of a ship lost at sea came back to our town, along with a few survivors…and he wasn’t with them. And then I remember taking my own life in the tower so rightfully named ‘The Widows Watch’” She finished, her voice shaking and her pink eye shining with tears that Ulquiorra felt he would never understand.

After that they fell silent. Ulquiorra not wanting to talk about his dream and Lilinette recovering herself for a few moments before going off on a rant about something he wasn’t quite listening to.   
So they could remember their pasts and they could be painful. To become a being such as a hollow, he imagined that the way they died and the emotions they felt at that time played a major role what they became. 

Ulquiorra was a lonely being of the night. His wings that he bore on his shoulders in his release form were something her felt always, he could feel their movement and the weight no matter which form he took. He felt empty inside, ironically hollow. He would wander aimlessly until given orders, which he would carry out no matter what the cost. There was a place for everything and he constantly kept things in order. He was agile and yet surprisingly tiny…then again he had always been the smallest and oddest of his species. An outcast until Lord Aizen spotted his power.  
What could have happened to force him to become such a creature?  
____________________________________

That night a different dream came.  
One of loneliness and despair, of grief and solitude, of emptiness and quiet agony.   
He sat quietly on a bed in an empty room that was colder than it usually was. There was no laughter, no arms clinging to him, no lips on his, and no heart that was his and only his. 

He twirled a ring between his fingers, one that would have probably been accepted with a tackle and a smile. One that her father would have probably been rather surprised to hear of but he would have been happy none the less. One that he never thought he would be giving to anyone as he never saw himself as the ‘settling’ type… Or he didn’t think anyone would see him as that way.   
He wasn’t exactly the kind you look at and feel attached to. He knew he was intimidating. He also knew he was awfully short and that most females liked their men taller.

He sat like this every night during the hours that they would have spent together sitting and talking. He couldn’t speak to her anymore, but he could spent time with what he had left of her. It had been a few years since that incident and he still felt so empty. So hollow.

He had always told the others that the dead bodies weren’t people anymore. It didn’t matter whether they had brought them back or not, it wouldn’t bring them back to life. But when he remembered seeing her being thrown into the field so others could escape, he felt this undying feeling to want to go get her. It didn’t matter how long it had been since they had lost her, he felt the same way each time it crossed his mind. 

He never thought he’d miss sleeping by her. She moved so much in her sleep and cling so tightly that it was a wonder he slept at all when that octopus was in bed with him. But now he hardly slept at all. His bed entirely too cold with no arms to hold him. 

He never really understood what she meant to him until she was gone. Sure, he knew that he cared for her deeply, he knew that he would always try to protect her without it seeming that way, he knew that he looked forward to their talks and time together even though the rule or ‘only when no one’s around and when we are off duty’ always applied, He knew that her constant charm and sass knew no bounds no matter the situation… and he knew he missed her all too much. 

And the one thing he thought he’d never miss… ‘Heichou’  
________________________________________________________  
Ulquiorra awoke to the whisper of ‘Heichou’ nearby. He was a light sleeper, always aware of his environment…where the hell was he?  
He looked around and blushed; he was thankful it was dark and that she was asleep. He had fallen asleep in Orihimes room again. But how did he get here?

Ah, now he remembered. He had come to check on her during the night, he sensed she was upset. She was sitting up in her bed crying when he found her, she said something about a heartbreaking dream and clung to him before he could sonido away…which was a feat within itself. She clung like a sea creature when she wanted to. Utterly useless in combat but she had the strength of an Espada when she clung to him. 

He caught himself smiling as he looked down as the sleeping girl beside him. Her ginger hair falling everywhere and her face peaceful. He gently brushed her hair from her face, careful not to wake her with his cold hands; partially because he didn’t want to explain why he was still in her room...in her bed… Lord Aizen was going to kill him…

And yet, he didn’t move. He couldn’t force himself to move from her side. 

‘I’m so cold. How can she sleep against me?’  
‘Doesn’t she fear me?’  
‘Why does she feel at such peace while she is lying beside a monster?’

Violet eyes fluttered open and looked up at him with a soft expression.

‘Shit…’

“Ulquiorra?” She asked in a hushed tone, still half asleep as she reached out and touched his arm gently. She gasped when she felt how cold he was and he found himself feeling ashamed.   
“You’re so cold.” She said as she gently pulled him down and pulled the covers over him, cuddling against him. 

He blushed and froze, unsure of what to do. His instinct telling to run and force her away, but something else was telling him to stay where he was. Something was telling him that this is where he belonged. This is where he had longed to be for years. 

Orihime clung like an Octopus when she slept and she knew this. He was so cold, but she knew he would warm up eventually. He had already warmed up so much already since he had been around her. All he needed was a little love and someone to understand that he wasn’t as bad as they thought he was.  
_____________________________________________

Her dream tonight took her on a journey as she followed a young man through what seemed like a few years at least. 

She watched him grieve her every night. She watched him keep what she knew was their routine of staying of for a few extra hours, though instead of talking he now sat alone and held something in his hands. After a while she got close enough to him to touch him, but he couldn’t feel her and he couldn’t see her. Looking down at his hands she saw what he held and what would have one day been hers and couldn’t help but cry. She sat beside him and laid her head on his shoulder sobbing quietly as if she thought the noise would disturb him. 

He couldn’t see her.  
He couldn’t feel her.  
But her spirit stayed with him and gave him strength.  
She couldn’t care less that he didn’t kill all the Titans, She just wanted him to be happy.

_____________________________________________________________________

His dreams took him further into the empty hell that was the room he had confined himself in every night to hide from the world. 

If only she was here. If only he could see her and hold her. Tell her how sorry he was for not giving orders sooner. For not giving permission for the one thing that would have saved them all. He couldn’t make that choice and he hoped that she didn’t blame him for that.

She couldn’t see him.  
She couldn’t feel him.  
She couldn’t hear him when he spoke to her.  
But he hoped her spirit stayed with him and gave him strength…God knows, he needed it.  
He broke his promise and never killed all the Titans, and for that he felt such deep regret.

His death was lonely, cold, and brutal. Which in hindsight, was probably what he deserved.   
He died with a bitterness in his heart for breaking his promise and in the end wondered if it would have been better if he would have left her well enough alone…

“I’m sorry, Petra.”  
________________________________________________________  
“Forgive me, Heichou”  
______________________________________________________________________

After that night, They both understood each other a bit more without saying a word.

After that night, Orihime could never fear Ulquiorra. He was misunderstood and grumpy, but he wasn’t mean. He just needed to learn. 

After that night, Ulquiorra understood pain and loneliness. He never got close to Orihime for fear of losing her, instead he pushed her away. 

After that night, he wondered what exactly this heart wanted from him.

And after that night, he would never be satisfied.

In the end, he was happy that she didn’t die before him. He kept her safe until she could be saved and in a way, she did the same for him. He longed for her touch one final time before he faded, but even that wasn’t granted… This was his punishment for not giving that order. This was his punishment for allowing his heart to die.


End file.
